


Struggling Onward

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Original Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-02
Updated: 2000-10-02
Packaged: 2019-05-15 01:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14781143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Roni struggles to move on in her life after Lydia dies.





	1. Struggling Onward

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Struggling Onward

by AJ

Notes: Sequel to The Tower of Escape.

Summary: Roni struggles to move on in her life after Lydia dies.

Disclaimer: Just having some fun, instead of paying attention in philosophy class. Probably should pay attention, but playing with The West Wing is more fun. :-)

Lydia has been dead for three months now. Three months since her fatal accident. Three months since her little boy was delivered. The doctors had managed to revive her a few times, and she had slipped in and out of coma's long enough to be able to spend some time with her baby... Dorian Hunter. But, she died shortly after. The doctors were amazed that she had lasted as long as she did, with the kind of injuries she sustained from the fall.

In the three months that Dorian has lived, he was adopted by Jed and Abbey. Roni wanted the honor of that claim, but because of her young age, that was far too difficult, so she settled on her parents doing it. Of course, it was her that became his mother. It was her that practically lived in the hospital until Dorian was allowed to come home. It was her that got up late at night when he was crying.

Zoey and Roni's relationship began to get back to some level of normalcy. They started spending time together again, but Dorian was always included. Roni lived for Dorian. She made it her life's mission to make sure Dorian was loved the way she was sure Lydia would have.

"Roni?" Brad called out as he walked up behind Roni, who was sitting on the floor, with Dorian in his car seat, right in front of her.

"Yeah?" She replied, without turning her attention from Dorian. She never turned her attention from Dorian. In the three months that he had been alive, she never tore herself from his side. Except to go to classes, she was always with Dorian.

"You're not ready yet." He pointed out to her as he sat on the couch, right behind Roni.

"Ready for what?"

"Our date." Brad seemed annoyed. Seemed? He was. Very annoyed. It's like he no longer existed. Only Dorian and the memory of Lydia mattered to Roni.

"We have a date?"

"Roni!" Brad sighed, "You can't keep doing this to me. You can't."

"I'm not doing anything to you, Bradley."

"Roni," Jed sounded from the loveseat on the other side of the room. "Your mother and I can watch Dorian. You should go, get out of here for a while. Have some fun."

"Dad!"

"Go, Roni." Jed said as he stood up and walked over to her. "Go. Dorian will be fine without you for a few hours. Go."

Roni looked up at her father, incredulously for a long time, then gave in to defeat, "Fine. Let's go, Bradley."

TBC...

  

  


	2. Struggling Onward 2

Struggling Onward

by AJ

A short three hours after their departure, Roni and Brad returned to the residence of the White House. They seemed as if they had a good enough time, but that was about to change.

"Hey, Zoey. What's up?" Why are you here, instead of at your dorm?" Roni asked, strolling into the living room.

"Roni..." Zoey's voice was filled with sorrow.

"Where is he? What happened?" Roni immediately assumed the worst.

"Shortly after you left, Dorian began to cough and sneeze. Mom took his temperat-"

"Where are they, Zoey?"

"The hospital."

"Oh God!" Roni cried out, as she lowered her face into her hands.

"Dad called a little bit ago... they admitted him to the pediatric ICU."

By this point, Roni was completely frozen. She couldn't talk. She couldn't move. She just sat there, in her chair, freely crying into her hands.

Zoey took a brave step towards her sister and rested a hand on her back. "Charlie and I are going there now. We can take you and Brad."

"No." Roni lifted her head. "There's somewhere else I need to go first. You go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay." Zoey muttered, as she looked Brad in the eye.

"Don't worry, Zoey. I'll stay with her." Brad said, and Zoey nodded before her and Charlie left. "I'm sorry Roni."

"It's not your fault... You have nothing to be sorry for. It's mine. I should have been here for him. I should have been paying closer attention to him."

"Roni, there's nothing you could have done about it. He would have gotten sick no matter what. Don't blame yourself."

"Then who do I blame?" Roni's voice began to rise. "Who do I blame? It's not your fault, or Mom's or Dad's, or Zoey's. So it has to be mine."

"Roni, listen to me. You are a great mother to Dorian. A great mother. You didn't have to be. You could have let your parents parent him. But you stood in there. You gave up your own life, and you became the best mother that that kid is ever going to have, Roni. It isn't your fault that he is sick. It isn't your fault that his real mother died. None of it is your fault. It's life."

"Well then, life sucks." Roni muttered as she lunged herself forward. "Come on, let's go."

TBC...

  


	3. Struggling Onward 3

Struggling Onward

by AJ

In silence, Roni and Brad left the residence and headed for Brad's truck. After helping her in, Brad crossed over and climbed in himself. "So where are we going, Roni?"

"To see Lydia." Roni replied as she laid her head against the cold window, letting the tears fall from her eyes.

The car ride to the Cathedral, where Lydia's body was buried, right in front of the bell tower, was filled with an unpleasant silence. Brad hesitated to turn the radio on a few times, and even more so, to say something to Roni, but for some reason, he elected to keep quiet.

When they reached the old abandoned church, Brad helped Roni into her chair. Once mobile, Roni took off for the stairwell, where it all happened, just three moths ago.

Realizing her chair stood in the exact spot where Lydia's body fell, Roni began to shake, as she pushed away, towards the stairs. Quietly, she transported herself from her chair, to the stairs, much in the same fashion as she did only months ago.

"I'll be back, shortly. Just stay here." Roni said to Brad, as she began to pull herself up the stairs.

When she reached the top, she crawled over to the same spot she remembered Lydia having gone to. It was then, at that moment, that something caught Roni's eye.

Bringing her hand down, Roni removed a loose brick in the wall, and pulled out a piece of paper.

"So, Roni, if you're reading this, that means you've come back. You came back to my place. I'm glad. It means a lot to me, as much as you do." Roni began to read the letter from Lydia.

"For some reason, I have this feeling that I won't be alive much longer. I can't explain it. I can't understand it. But it isn't the first time something like this has happened. And every time in the past, I've always been right. That's why I brought you here. So you'd know."

"I wanted to show you my special place. I wanted to share it with you. You've given me so much in the short time we've known each other. I wanted to give you something in return. So here it is... my special place... it's now yours. Take care of it. It's been good to me, it can be for you, too."

"Love, Lydia."

TBC...

  


	4. Struggling Onward 4

Struggling Onward

by AJ

"Mom, how is he? How's my Stinker?" Roni asked, entering the area that the hospital set aside for the first family. "How's Buster Brown?"

"He's got a cold, kiddo." Abbey bent over, embracing her youngest daughter. "But because of his size, it's pretty serious."

"How's he doing? Right now, what are they saying?"

"They are confident that he'll pull through this, given time."

"And you?" Roni asked, valuing her mother's opinion above the other doctors' opinions.

"I know he'll be just fine." Abbey smiled, as Roni breathed a sigh of relief.

"Where is he? I want to see him."

"Here," Zoey spoke up. "I'll show you where you need to go."

~~~

After watching Dorian for a good ten minutes, Roni asked one of the nurses, "Would it be okay if I held him?"

"Sure, but you're going to have to be extra careful." The nurse responded.

"I always am." Roni quietly said, as the nurse placed Dorian in her arms. "Listen to me, Buster Brown," Roni turned all of her attention to her son. "You have to get better now. You have to get better, so you can come home."

"Roni..." Jed placed his hands on his daughter's shoulders.

"Daddy..."

"He's going to be okay, Roni. We can't have it any other way."

"I know, Daddy. But that doesn't mean I can't worry about him."

"No... It doesn't." Jed pulled a chair over and sat down.

"Want to hold your grandson?" Roni looked up at her father, who was looking down at his daughter and her... son.

"Sure." Jed reached his arms out and took the little tyke in his hands. As he began to play with Dorian's chin, Jed smiled at Dorian's smile. "Look at that, he's getting better already."

"I wish." Roni sighed. "But that'd be asking too much out of life."

TBC...


	5. Struggling Onward 5

Struggling Onward

by AJ

"Excuse me, Mr. President, but if I may take Dorian from you for just one second. It's time to check up on him." The female nurse said as she bent over to take Dorian from Jed.

"Alright," Jed said as he handed him over. "So, Kiddo, let's go get some food in you, huh?"

"No, Dad. I want to stay here. I want to stay with him." Roni said quietly, as her eyes were staring at the nurse and Dorian.

"Roni, come on. Let's go." Jed said, as he got behind her chair and began to push her. "It isn't going to do any good for you to stay here. So come on."

"But..."

"No but's." Jed said firmly, rolling her out of the pediatric ICU.

"Fine!" Roni exclaimed as she folded her arms up and pouted. "I'll go with."

"I'm doing this for your own good, Roni. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know Dad. It's just... seeing him in the hospital like that ... it breaks my heart."

~~~

"Roni, sweetie, come here." Abbey took slowly walked over to her daughter, who had just returned from a late night dinner date with her father.

"What's wrong, Mom?"

"His temperature went up. They are afraid that he has pneumonia." Abbey reluctantly said, as she took turned her attention from her daughter to her husband standing behind him.

"What?!!" Roni screamed in fear. "NO!!! No, this can't be happening. I should have been here for him. I should have..." Roni backed up like a bat out of hell, immediately causing Jed, who was right behind her, to crash to the ground, twisting his knee in the process.

"Ow!" Jed exclaimed, falling to the ground. "My knee!"

"Jed!?" Abbey ran to her fallen husband, who was clutching on to his knee for dear life. "What'd you do?"

"I twisted my knee." Jed said through clenched teeth.

"Okay," Abbey turned back to her daughter. "Roni, go get a nurse, or someone, with a wheelchair for your father."

"I'm so sorry." Roni spoke up at last. "I didn't mean to, Dad. I'm sorry. Oh, God! What have I done?"

"Go get a nurse!" Abbey shouted. She didn't have time to listen to her daughter's guilt trip, she had to *doctor* her husband.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't realize you were behind me." Roni began to become incoherent.

"Just do what your mother said," Jed couldn't get the pain out of his voice, which to Roni, sounded like anger.

~~~

"Well, you were right. You twisted your knee." Abbey frowned as she looked up from her husband's ex-ray's and at him. "You're gonna have to get it wrapped, babe, which is going to mean crutches."

"Okay." Jed frowned as well. "Where's Roni? I think I was kind of short with her earlier. I want to apologize."

"She won't tear herself from Dorian's side. She says it's her fault that he got worse, because she wasn't there for him... again."

"I was afraid of that." Jed turned his gaze down to his throbbing knee. "Is she blaming me at all? I mean, I made her leave."

"No, she isn't. She feels just as sorry for having hurt you." Abbey moved over, to the side of Jed's hospital bed, and climbed up with him. "She's scaring me, Jed. It seems as if she's been transported back to the same frame of mind as she was just after she was paralyzed."

TBC...

  


	6. Struggling Onward 6

Struggling Onward

by AJ

Notes: Thanks to DC for sending me my own story. hehe.

"Roni" Zoey said as she tapped her sister's shoulder.

Roni lifted her head slightly away from the plastic crib Dorian rested in.

"You're awake," Zoey pointed out, somewhat surprised.

"I didn't even know I was alive," Came Roni's response.

"Roni..."

"What are you doing here Zoey? You never liked Dorian, because he's Lydia's and Lydia was competition for you. So why are you here?"

"That's not true." Zoey defended. "You're my sister, Buster Brown's my nephew. True, I may never have warmed up to Lydia while she was alive, but I didn't hate her, and I don't hate Dorian. I love you, and you know it Roni."

"Do I? Do I know anything?" Roni questioned. "I always thought that if I believed, God would be there. He'd fix things. Make 'em right. He's not doing His job, Zo. Why isn't He doing His job?" Roni's tears crept out of her eyes. "Why isn't He making Dorian better? Why is He making him worse?"

Right away, Roni sensed Zoey's hesitation to answer the questions she just presented her older sister. Roni used this time to briefly stare up at Zoey. Roni's eyes were so blood shot, and dark rings were forming around them from the lack of sleep.

In that brief moment, Zoey caught a glimpse of the turmoil running through Roni. All of a sudden, Zoey began to tremble. She immediately was able to place that look in Roni's eyes. It was the same look Zoey saw the last time she had seen her sister before she tried to kill herself.

As Zoey was about to speak up, she finally noticed the presence of Brad silently sitting in the corner, with much of the same thoughts brewing on his mind.

Brad noticed Zoey looking at him, and gave off a weak smile as he followed Zoey's glance back to Roni.

Once Zoey left the nursery, Brad stood up, and walked over to Roni.

Or was it Roni . . ?

Everything about her seemed to be changing...

Why . . ?

Because Dorian was sick? Because she caused Jed to have to have his knee wrapped up?

Why . . ? What was it exactly that was causing this sudden change of behavior?

Finally arriving near Roni, Brad silently began to push Roni away from Dorian.

Snapping into reality, Roni noticed she was slowly being moved away from Dorian, which is exactly what she felt was happening. She was loosing Dorian in much of the same way that she lost Lydia.

"Brad . . ?" Roni questioned. "Where are we going?"

"It's bed time. I'm taking you back to the White House." Brad quietly responded, as he continued to push her.

TBC...

  


	7. Struggling Onward 7

Struggling Onward

by AJ

When Roni got home, it was still pretty early, and she was no where near being tired. So, she decided to roll through the halls of the White House.

As she kept a steady pace, so did her mind. She felt so guilty for hurting Jed. And even more guilty for Dorian getting sick; for she managed to convince herself that he must have picked the bug up from her somehow.

Wondering the halls, Roni realized that her behavior of late had been scaring all of the people around her. And she had been able to deduce that the reason for that, was because they thought she would attempt suicide again. And they were right. She wanted to commit suicide. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She had a life now, with more responsibility. She couldn't abandon that responsibility. She couldn't abandon Dorian, or anyone else in her family. She had done so much growing in the past 9 months. She had come so far from when she was paralyzed. She refused to throw it all away so foolishly.

"Sam?" Roni sounded, waking the young deputy communications director up.

"Huh?" His head shot up, with a piece of paper attached to the side. "Hey Roni." He said, as he began to recognize the figure in front of her.

"Sam, it's 9 o'clock. Don't you ever go home?"

"It's 9 already?"

"Yeah."

"Whoops."

"Say, you gonna get out of here now, or go back to sleep?"

"I don't know. Why?" Sam asked, as he stretched.

"Do me a favor?"

"Roni, this is me. You never have to ask." Sam smiled.

~~~

"Yeah, hey, just like, drop me off right here, if you would." Roni pointed to a small cafe.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Roni opened the car door and dug her chair out. "Thanks."

"Want me to stay here with you... and take you back later?"

"No, I can manage." Roni climbed into her chair. "Hasta."

As Sam pulled off, Roni stayed where she was and waved. Then, she turned around and went in the opposite direction of the cafe.

A few minutes later, somehow, she found herself outside of a small convenient store, waiting for a short fat man to come out. For reasons beyond her, she had managed to persuade this man to buy her a bottle of Jack Daniels. Eventually, he exited, and traded the liquor for money. Then, she was on her way. Her final destination... oblivion.

TBC...

  


	8. Struggling Onward 8

Struggling Onward

by AJ

"Who was that on the phone?" Jed looked over from the couch to his wife, who was sitting on their bed.

"That was the doctor at the hospital. He said that Dorian has suddenly improved dramatically, and we would be able to take him home tomorrow afternoon. He also mentioned that he tried to call Roni but... she didn't answer the phone."

"She's probably just sleeping, honey. She hasn't been doing much of that lately."

"I'm going to go check on her."

"Abbey, just leave her be. I know you are worried that she's changed again, but..."

"She'd want to know that Dorian is better, Jed. So I'm going to go tell her now." Abbey adopted a tone. "You can come or sit there, but I'm going."

Without a word, Jed stood up and leaned on his crutches. Glancing at his wife, he slowly began the journey with her to their daughter's room.

Upon arriving outside Roni's room, Abbey lightly tapped on the door and then, seconds later, she opened it, revealing an empty room.

An empty room...

Roni...

Suicide...

"Jed!" Abbey screamed in fear. "She isn't here!"

"Calm down, Abbey." Jed was forced into being the voice of reason, although he was just as scared as Abbey was over the disappearance of their youngest daughter. "We'll find her." Jed promised as he entered the room, hoping to find a note or some kind of indication as to where she went.

No such luck...

Plan two...

"Brad, this is the President. Do you know where Roni is?" Jed spoke into the phone.

"Yes, Sir. I dropped her off at the White House an hour ago. She should be in her room, hopefully asleep."

"Damn." Jed's voice was not more than a whisper.

"Sir, what's happened?"

"She isn't here." Jed looked up at his wife. "Or she isn't in her room at least. Say, would you mind helping us look for her? If there's anyone that knows her, it's you."

"Sure thing, Mr. President. I'll be right down there." Brad hurriedly hung up the phone and rushed out of his house to his truck.

Arriving in the residence shortly after, Brad got a full update on Dorian's condition. He also got an update on how worried Jed and Abbey were about Roni, although that was no news flash. And right away, Brad went to work.

Knowing Roni as he did, the first place to look was in the halls of the White House. For some reason, she loved to travel through the halls of the White House. She loved all the paintings along the walls of the halls.

The paintings...

The painting in front of him...

A Cathedral...

"The bell tower. That's where she is!" Brad shouted, overjoyed by his epiphany.

The drive to the tower seemed to last for hours. Or perhaps it was the nature of his thoughts that caused it to seem slow. But finally, none of that mattered for he was there. And this time, he was *not* going to wait down by the truck for her to come down. No, he was going to go up there and get her.

"Roni, what are you doing here?" He found her image in the dark, damp corner.

"Leave!" Roni shouted, no life to her voice, and obviously drunk.

"Roni, come on, let's get some coffee in you and get you home." Brad saw the bottle of Jack Daniels that was in her hands, a third of the way empty. "Give me that." He demanded.

"No, ishh mine. Yoo get yooour own boddle." Roni's speech long past slurred.

Staring at her for a long minute, Brad didn't like who he saw. She had changed. She really had changed. He had hoped that he was wrong about that look in her eye before... but he wasn't. There was definately some sort of transfiguration going on within her head. *His* Roni, always having been a good little Catholic girl, never would have picked up a bottle of alcohol. Of course, *his* Roni never would have tried to kill herself either. Leaving only one possibility, this was not *his* Roni. Not anymore.

"Roni, give me the damn bottle." He fought with her for a moment, and soon won out. Then he poured it out onto the ground. "Come on, we are going home."

"No. Me wannnaa ssstaaaay."

"You're coming home, now, whether you like it or not." Brad grabbed her by the arm sternly.

"Lemmmmme gooooo." She struggled with him as he picked her up and placed her over his left shoulder, quickly disappearing down the steps.

TBC...

  


	9. Struggling Onward 9

Struggling Onward

by AJ

Once in the residence area of the White House, Brad pushed Roni to her room, moved her onto her bed, and hid her wheelchair from her. Well, he didn't actually hide it; he gave it to Jed, who stashed it in his bedroom. He also gave to Jed the bottle of Jack Daniels as he explained where and how he found Roni.

The next afternoon, when Roni woke up, she immediately grabbed for her aching head.

"Oy." She muttered as she turned herself around in her bed. Once fully over, something, or someone caught her attention. "Zoey, what are you doing in here?" Roni asked softly. "Better yet, what is Dorian doing here?" Roni asked, whipping the sleep out of her eyes as she struggled to concentrate on Zoey and Dorian.

"Had you been here last night-" Zoey started out loudly.

"Can you lower your voice?" Roni grabbed her head again as she flinched from the noise.

"No, I won't. Now, as I was saying. Had you been here last night, instead of out getting drunk, you would know that Dorian's fever went down, for he really did only have a cold. So, earlier this afternoon, they released him."

"Sitting herself up, Roni further observed her settings. "How'd I get here?"

"Brad found you, and brought you back."

"Brad..." Roni muttered, snapping her eyes shut, and covering her face with her pillow. When she removed the pillow, she reached out for the phone and dialed his number. "Brad?" She questioned, and immediately heard a dial tone.

Staring at the phone, she pressed the hang up button. When she let go of it, her finger hovered over the redial button for a good bit before pressing it down.

"Brad, don't hang up." She said before he could hay hello. "I'm sorry, Brad. For whatever I said or did last night. I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough this time, Roni." Brad's voice cracked. "You can't apologize your way out of it this time. I'm sick and tired of these games you play. No more, Roni. No more. Other than when you start work in two weeks, and around campus, I don't want to ever see you again."

"What are you saying, Brad?" Roni asked, seeking clarification, so she could be positive that her life was really falling apart at the seams.

"I'm saying we are done, Roni. It's over. We're through." Brad's pain filled voice came over right before the dial tone did.

THE END


End file.
